Hearing interview over.

I'm shaking and nervous and teary and think I might vomit.

I just don't understand how people can be so awful and petty. I don't understand how HE can tell me he is letting me go due to lack of a certain job and yet tell the government that he discharged me for various reasons that he NEVER told me I wasn't allowed to do.
I was never informed I couldn't take personal phone calls at work, and if I had been I would have been the only office member who wasn't allowed, as everyone else did it. I was never informed I couldn't conduct personal emails with my work email (not that personal, just as a last resort). I was never informed I was not allowed to take 1099 work outside of the office work, in fact I remember being encouraged too, along with previous persons who had held the job before me. That is what I was apparently "discharged" for, all or course without my knowledge.

There was no office policy that I signed. It doesn't exist.

I'm not complaining and petitioning about all the nights and weekends I had to work with little notice and no reimbursement in time or money. Nor am I up in arms about not ever getting reimbursed for all my millage for office and his personal errands. And I never complained about having to clean the office and bathroom, despite never being told I would be required to.

After my statement, which included near tears, a lot of bafflement and as few words as possible, the department is calling him to get a rebuttal (which of course he will give) and then the Hand Of God will come down on Judgement and 10 days from now I receive a letter telling me how to proceed.

I personally know three other people who worked for HIM in the same position that I did, and I can attest that I have the most positive and curse free words to describe Him than any of them.

• One, was laid off 2 months before his wife gave birth to their first child and 1 month into his first mortgage. With no notice and no severance.
• The second left before he could get discharged, as he saw it coming and has been miserably working there, to the detriment of his family, for two years, and is now SO happy to be teaching and getting to see his kids everyday.
• The third was taken advantage of and abused and decided to take retribution and emailed the entire client list on his the Boss had mismanaged things and unprofessional and overcharged; that ended in a lawsuit that I believe might still be outstanding.

All I'm asking is for a little unemployment compensation for doing the best I can, with what I was given to understand and keeping my mouth shut.

Fingers crossed.

There is a LOT on my plate right now and all of it seems very mutable and not quite yet solid. So, fingers crossed that things settle down and settle quick, and mostly in a beneficial way.

I feel a great load of immediacy for most of it (house, new job (interviewed this morning! went well!)) and primarily my hearing tomorrow.

I have a government hearing tomorrow about my right to collect unemployment (obviously this has nothing to do with my part-time jobs, it's related to my right to full time pay based on position termination due to economic downfall). I am feeling so many things about this hearing and none of them good. I am obviously super nervous, wishing for the best possible outcome (I can continue to collect) and terrified of the worst (having to pay all those months back). The worst feelings come from the absolute hatred and anger and utter betrayal I feel for my former employer. Whom I never thought intrinsically was/is a bad guy, just not the best boss/office manager and I was aware he lived outside his means sometimes but I just never thought I'd be blindsided with one more insult in his need to "stick it to me" and contest my right to gain.

So here's to hoping and here's to fingers crossed.

Fingers crossed that I win my hearing tomorrow.
Fingers crossed my part-time job continues to go well.
Fingers crossed that we find a house.
Fingers crossed I get more freelance.
Fingers crossed today's interview leads to a new full time job.

So until tomorrow if you need me you can find me hyperventilating on the new linoleum (YUCK) bathroom floor.

Which, by the way, is still toilet-less.

I had my first Minor Wedding Meltdown last night.

Well, first if you aren't including the 48 hour stress confusion of choosing a wedding venue, and as that was important and money related, I er, don't.

It all started with the stupid food network showing a wedding cake competition (not to mention all the wedding related stuff all the networks seem to be forcing on us this spring/summer), and as I watched I suddenly had the thought, "Hmmm, maybe I DO want a wedding cake!!"
Shit. Balls. Wank.
I mean I thought I didn't care about the whole cake cutting thing and didn't need to have a table decked out in fancy baked goods. And now? Well maybe I do?

So, in my mood of confusion, of course I started obsessing over other wedding related things that I have little to no control over (Um... I'm type A, "no control" isn't in my vocabulary) and it all settled on my hair. I know... MY HAIR. Ug, could I be any girlier?
Here's the thing about my hair, it sucks. Sure its a nice color and texture, very shiny and pretty but, and this is a big ass Kardashian sized but, it does NOTHING. EVER. FOR ANYONE.
In fact, It even rejects product and bobby pins and such! It won't hold curl or stay up in an up-do.

My hair only ever looks nice because I have an awesome stylist who cuts it awesomely, meaning my flat, poker straight, baby fine hair must have a perfect cut and style to ever resemble something put together. So I refuse to spend money on my stylist since I'd rather throw that money at the caterer, especially since I know my stylist will make it look good, but it won't stay, within 20 minutes my hair always falls flat. Every time.
I don't have lofty goals, I'm not trying to have long thick gorgeous hair or even beauty pageant/bridal hair. I just want my hair to look nicer than normal, a nice pretty big curl or wave. Which I haven't yet figured out how to do, but that's not really the point, even once I know how to make that look, I know of no product that will work on my fine straight hair that will maintain this look. I'm thinking its probably several products (like a volumizing mouse, curl holding gel and then hairspray?), but the essence of this ramble is I kinda sorta melted and a few tears even popped out realizing I would probably end up looking like plain ol' Each on my wedding day. Which the crazy thing is, of course OM will still love me and still think I look amazing, but I won't think I look amazing and as any gal knows, half the battle of looking good is FEELING like you look good.

Three things to weigh in on (and those of you with gorgeous thick hair or beautiful natural curls, skip to the third query as your experiences with your amazing hair will obviously just be scoffed at and jealously refuted.)

• 1. How do I make my hair have lovely big curls or waves, i.e. think Eva Longoria or Julia Roberts or for those of you who watch So You Think You Can Dance, Cat Deeley. I own two sets of hot rollers and a large barrel curling iron. ( I also have a crimper, circa 1987, but that's neither here nor there and while appropriate for a myriad of social events, probably not my wedding)
• 2. What products work on fine hair that refuses to style or hold style without being sticky or starchy or globby? And in what order do I apply these things?
• 3. Cake? No cake? Our caterer already has desert included in our meal, we are going with strawberry shortcake as that is one of the few deserts OM really likes (he's not into sweets *shrug* more for me!). But we could still have a "wedding cake" and table of sweets. I like one cake and one cake only, it has no frosting and I cold make a doubled up bunt cake (I have two sized pans, could stack them) and then make pre-packaged cupcakes in silver muffin papers, trussed up in pretty cellophane and ribbon for take home gifties/treats/favors. Making our cake cutting a later in the evening thing and really just symbolic. And the treats could be eaten then by hungry drunk people, or taken home for a rich muffin/cupcake breakfast.

For those wondering about our little Noah's Ark situation? Carpet ripped up, tile ripped up, linoleum being installed tomorrow in bathrooms, walls dried up, ceiling does need ripped down, but depending on my hearing on Wednesday (more on that tomorrow), OM and I are going full-time house hunting and getting out of this place.

There is nothing like sleeping in a wind tunnel, a wind tunnel filled with active jet engines, to make one wake refreshed and ready for a day full of bathroom demolition. Which? If the entire center portion of your basement apartment including, both bathrooms, closets, linen closet, hallway and parts of the bedrooms, is flooded, that's what happens.

Thank god, jesu, buddha, muhammed and a very very dear friend for prescription sleeping pills (don't judge me! Judgey McJudgerson).

After having the eight, EIGHT, industrial fans going all afternoon, all night and into day churning like a puritan butter maker on speed, I am sitting here, make-upless, showerless, and slightly clueless while dudes are pulling up decrepit tile and damp carpets (not to mention the mold in the walls that the apartment manager doesn't want to do anything about! HOUSE NEEDED NOW!). Lucky them, they get to watch my morning routine, including some questionably embarrassing workout sessions. That's what I get from working/not working from home.

On the plus side though, the damage would have been a HELL of a lot worse if I didn't work/not work from home. I'm the one who spotted the flooding the MINUTE it happened into my bathroom, I called the office to report it (and OM who rushed home with industrial fans from his work) and I'm the one who ran up to the third floor where a very flustered Indian woman was trying to figure out what had gone wrong and why there was 4" in water in her bathroom (all the while her adorable son reenacted some "Singing in the Rain" splashes). The water was spewing from the pipe behind the toilet and I wasn't strong enough to turn it all the way off, but soon the maintenance dude (Portuguese, trying to speak to a woman who speaks Hindi, it was a mess) arrived and we got it off.

Luckily, since I am a super hero and act with much speed and grace, I yanked all of our personal things out of closets and off floors and away from walls so the only damage at our place was to a box of Q-tips and the new complex owner's pocket book.

Think now would be a good time to ask if he'd like a part-time receptionist?

So our weekend now includes celebrating the birth of this fine nation with demoed bathrooms and fans that make me feel like I'm in a Mariah Carey video every time I need to pee, obviously just as our fore fathers intended.

America- Fuck yeah!

Breaking News!

I live in a bottom floor apartment (don't EVEN get me started at how distasteful this is, talk to OM, who picked it out), and now both bathrooms, the hallway, our closets, the water and linen closets are all flooded and still as I type still dripping and flooding.

The complex just sold to a new, and as of yet, unorganized owner. With no maintenance staff.

I have to be at my new job in two hours, haven't showered, don't know if I can.

Dictionary definition of Screwed? - Me.

I know I bitch and complain and over all bring on the debbie downer often, too often, but today, despite the constant weather yuck and other stresses in my life I want to document some bliss.

Bliss Tuesday anyone?

People keep asking me how the wedding planning is going, if I'm beyond stressed about it yet or am I becoming a (you know the dreaded word ladies), bridezilla. And you know what? I'm not, I'm really really the opposite of stressed. I design for a living, on a budget and a VERY short timeline, I am required to look at the big picture and juggle a lot of balls at once. So the only reason the wedding would create stress in my life is if things didn't feel right with OM.

And more than ever it feels right.

And its not because we are engaged and its not because we have ever been that couple that never disagrees, the things that brought us together, passion, love, sense of humor, goals, beer (kidding, or am I?), will always be there and the only thing that threatened to keep us apart was our communication skills. Or lack there of. And that? Is going SO SO much better. Yeah, it may be because we started seeing the counselor, and I won't deny the benefits, but for us it was never about a last ditch effort, it was the fact that we both realized we weren't getting through to each other when things got heated and we needed a neutral setting and third party to hear us out, reaffirm, and really give us an opportunity to hear each other removed from the situation. Our counselor has really become more of a friend than anything else, and we, in turn have been able to communicate better, it really has helped to curb any relationship diarrhea, we are not without hiccups, but show me a couple who is. In fact, I don't want to be in a relationship that doesn't have hiccups, that would be too weird, too utopia (and if you read that book, you know it doesn't work).

So that's my recent bliss. When I get angry at the economy or the inflation of real estate, when I get depressed about the job thing, when I put myself down about my body shape, I have been reinforcing my brain about the simple bliss it is to be with OM right now. And that? Is pretty darn good.




P.S. picked up a few more hours at my part-time, don't like it, but beggars (ha ha) can't be choosers!

P.P.S. We are getting the feeling that our counselor expects to be invited to our wedding... is that weird? Should we? And should we give him a date?

Off to B-town, muchly needed friend time... muchly.

Pray for sun!